For the last 13 days I have been laying in one spot staring up at my beautiful ceiling fan. I was in a bad car accident when I was 17. Although I survived, I now deal with a herniated disk which goes into spasm with little to no warning. Living an hour away from where I work and play and date has caused feelings of isolation and loneliness. Throw about two weeks of Immobilization in there and you have a recipe for a slow descent into madness or a swift kick into internal change and growth. Apparently, I decided to embrace both.
Laying here made me realize that I crave more connection now than I ever realized. I spend most of my life alone and for years that was my preference. As we all do, I have changed and grown in the last two years however, my outer world has not caught up with my inner world. In fact, my conscious mind wasn’t even aware of my new needs. Connection is something that we all crave as humans.
There have been multiple reports of babies being much healthier when there is physical and verbal connection when they grow up. But, we don’t need studies to know that we crave connection even if we are hardened. Some of us ignore the need and spend years, maybe a lifetime alone or mostly alone. Others, know that they crave connection but don’t believe they could have it. They feel lost and lonely.
I DARE YOU UNIVERSE
During one of my days here on the couch, I decided to try and experiment with law of attraction. I knew from past experience that I would be here for quite some time and that I would be alone for the most part. So, I told the universe, "OK, I want to feel immense connection tomorrow." I decided that there was no way this could happen. I love my parents who have been been caring for me, bringing me food and movies, but, we have never had a very deep connection. My request to the universe seemed impossible.
During my time on my back staring at the ceiling fan, I also had an online class that I created and it began six days ago. The week before last I could not figure out how I was going to do this class. But, something came over me and I was determined to give them 100% of me even though my body was not giving me the same. Six days ago I began to ask the group to do extremely vulnerable things such as tell me why they took the course, write down the story of their lives, essentially share secrets with me and more importantly with themselves. The first two days, I was surprised how many people opted to share with me. It was amazing reading their stories and why they opted to take the course.
HUMBLED AND AMAZED
In the days to follow, many continued to send me their stories, their feelings, the vulnerabilities of their lives. As I laid there reading and feeling them and their energies I was overwhelmed with the feeling of connection. Their vulnerable states were magical. It gave me chills to read each one. They were ready to see the truth of the lives they have been living and the thoughts they had been thinking. And I was like a voyeur who had the distinct pleasure of being trusted with these valuable truths. I am humbled and grateful for this experience.
I felt guided to share this with you today. I feel that there is not enough connection in the world. I know we have heard it many times; we could connect with anyone in the world due to the technology but that we feel more disconnected than ever. I had no idea how true that was for me. The time here with myself for almost 2 weeks, began as a slow descent into madness but ended in more clarity than I’ve ever had in my entire life. I’m ready to open my heart and allow connection however it may come. Will you?