Re-post: Originally posted on A Slap in the Face for the Soul Blog (no longer available)
You heard me right. Positive thinking doesn't work; at least not in the way that that you've been told to exercise it.
THINK IT AWAY
Becky is in a marriage that is oppressive. Her husband backhandedly verbally abused her for 10 years. Becky's self-esteem has hit rock bottom. It doesn't seem like enough abuse to her or her family to leave but what should she do? Think positive right?
So Becky tries hard to think of all the positive things that she has in her life. She thinks about her kids and her friends and this does help to feel better. It does raise her vibration and in turn the Universe brings happier things into her life. Things are looking up!
Unfortunately, the dynamic with her husband eventually starts to pull her back down. All the positive thinking in the world will not change someone else unless they are ready and willing to change. Becky can see her husband in a "new light" but he has to take the steps to change.
In Becky's case, he didn't walk over the threshold into respecting Becky. She has two choices; she can continue to "ignore" him and try thinking positive, but the fact remains that her inner feelings of pain and her conscious efforts to think positive will begin to fight.
When the inner truth and the positive thinking battle eahc other, Becky becomes tired, less passionate about life and essentially less of "Becky". Her husband grows more tyrannical. Becky gives up the little positive thinking that actually was congruent.
YOU MUST BELIEVE IT
Does this scenario seem familiar in your life? Maybe it's a career shift. Or finding your soul mate. We're gung-ho one day and defeated the next.
I loves me some positive thinkers - don't get me wrong. But, the reality is that if you don't BELIEVE the affirmations that you're feeding yourself, you're doomed to fall back into the "familiar". Yes, every time.
The reason positive thinking alone does not work is because you're essentially lying to yourself. Your husband is disrespectful to you. You try to plant thoughts that he's an amazing man. You tell your friends, "Oh no! He's really an incredible person!"
You know the truth deep down. He's an ass. He treats you terribly. This causes an incongruent fight within you.
Do I suggest to wallow in your pain and suffering instead of trying to throw positive lies at the truth? Yes. Yes I do. "Feeling is Healing." Cheesy, but true.
This does NOT give you license to complain incessantly, rather I want you to feel the truth. Cry, scream, throw a hissy fit. Do whatever you need to do to allow out the truth.
You'll hate it in the moment. This will cause real movement in your life that may be uncomfortable. However, once you shed all that isn't making you FEEL positive there's nothing to block you from feeling joy, love and freedom.
You're slap of the day has been brought to you by Deb's muses. One minute I'm watching an episode of "Drop Dead Diva" and the next I'm writing this post. Have to love the Light.