You can't seem to "get ahead" in life, love or friendships. Everything seems to conspire against you when you try to better your life. Maybe that guy you've liked for a year is now madly in love with some one else. Or your sister received her dream job while you sit in your dark cubicle while your co-worker prattles on endlessly about her trip to Wisconsin.
You tell yourself, "No matter what I do I can't seem to get what I want!" and my favorite, "I'm a good person! Why does this always happen to me?" These statements are the death of real inspired action. It's time to take harsh look at what you've "done" to further your desires and goals.
I CAN'T BECAUSE
Go ahead - list three reasons you don't have what you truly desire. Some of the phrases my ego tells me are, "I don't have the skill set that it takes." and "You're not good enough at it!" and "I can't because I still have kids at home." The last was a big excuse that I allowed to keep me from many changes in life.
The truth is that if you're miserable, it's because you have not taken enough action to make yourself happy. Are you feeling defensive or maybe victimized by my blunt statement? Good! Your ego mind wishes to keep you stuck. That part of you sees change as death and will lie and tell you what a victim you are and how it's not your fault that your life is awful. It will find evidence to support this claim and why you can not change.
When we find ourselves getting defensive when someone asks us to grow, get better, go after our dreams it's because our ego is fighting to keep us in the same spot. When we allow this defense and slide comfortably back into our old way of being the ego has won. You will never grow until you face the fact that only YOU can change your life. No one else.
EMBARRASSMENT IS THE GATEWAY TO SUCCESS
I remember the first time I fought to defend myself against someone who was asking me very loving but blunt questions about my career. "So, you've put forth effort into these things and they just didn't pay off. What effort did you put forth? When it failed did you keep trying or give up?" I was mortified as I realized that I had every excuse under the sun about why I failed. I excluded, from my own mind, the fact that, "I gave up." or "I never really tried."
When it finally occurred to me that I was the one who was in control but was blaming everyone and everything else I was embarrassed. Mortified may be a better word. What a hypocrite!
ACT. FAIL. LEARN. ACT AGAIN. SUCCEED. ACT AGAIN. FAIL. LEARN...X INFINITY
Soon after the embarrassment, came acceptance of personal responsibility. What an amazing gift! I realized that when I took full responsibility for MY life, things started to shift. I won the lottery, found my prince charming, and we lived happily ever after in Hawaii. No not really.
Even when I realized that I had been a blamer and now was open to taking real action, my life was still my life. It still wasn't where I wanted it to be. Shifting and growth takes time, effort, ugly crying and courage. It takes knowing that change will bring fear and failure and that failure provides learning and will always be a part of life.
Giving up just because you failed will always land you in a life that is lessor than the one that you desire and deserve. Giving effort through real action that will support your desires will always bring more reward than blaming. Always.
I love my life right now! I didn't pay off all my bills, nor do I live in Hawaii with my prince, however I have changed my career into what I desire, my relationship with my friends and family is outstanding, I found my prince charming and I am living happily.
Here's just a few of the things that I failed at before I finally found my happiness:
I created a Third Party Medicare Payer Start-up company that was successful until technology changed months after it was up and running. This new technology automated all tasks that my company offered.
From this I learned that I needed to do some future projections before starting up a company.
I started a successful blog but failed as my interest and heart where not in it. I learned that no matter how good at something that I am, if I get bored, no amount of helping others or money can motivate me to continue.
I learned to always follow my passion - even if it makes no sense to anyone else.
Along with two failed marriages I had several other failed relationships.
I learned that I needed to take a long break (2 1/2 years) and get to know me better. That did the trick! Not only did I meet my guy, I'm calmer, more clear about what I desire and feel more comfortable in my own skin.
My "failure" list is endless folks. I'm risk taker and I love life. I plan to add to that fail list over and over again. Because for everything that I've ever failed at - I've gained some invaluable nugget of information.