Some would say that being blunt and honest steals happiness. They might say that telling someone the upsetting truth about how you feel will bring forth anger and retaliation from said person. They may tell you that it’s better to turn the other cheek or to let sleeping dogs lie. “They” are also the ones who live passive aggressive, vague and unsatisfying lives. Nah ah… that’s not for this chick.
TOO MUCH KINDNESS
Someone hurt your feelings and you decided to take the high road and say, “Oh no, that’s totally fine! You’re fine. Let’s do lunch soon.” You then part ways with a big sardonic grin until she’s out of site and then your face goes dark. Quickly, you grab your cell and start pounding out a text to your bestie, “You’ll never believe what Amy did to me!”
Yes, being kind is a virtue but stuffing your feelings down and then venting for months afterward is NOT kindness. You’re certainly not being kind to the person that hurt you by talking about her behind her back. In another year you’ll have a strange grudge against her but not even remember why.
KINDNESS SMINDNESS
This is not kindness. You were avoiding owning your pain and being vulnerable enough to say, “Hey, that was hurtful.” Instead of being forthright and honest to her and to yourself, you’ve delayed your happy for years to come. The very thing that you wished to avoid, pain, has now become a low level daily nagging in the back of your mind; which causes you to make many bad choices.
This nagging causes distractions. You buy the wrong flavor of coffee, which in turn makes you spit out the French roast straight into the windshield of a passing car. The man driving this car can’t see that the doughnut cart has rolled into the street and he crashes into a half of ton of delicious sugary goodness. The goodies spill out all over the hot cement, soiling each delectable pastry. You’ve just caused hundreds of cube farm office workers to lose their one and only pleasure of the day. Is this something you’re prepared to live with?
But honestly, the nagging is real. You know that low level feeling of “I’m bored,” and “Life sucks,” and “I’m alone.”? Those feelings are often caused from unexpressed feelings brought on by over “kindness”.
BLUNT IS BETTER
I know it’s hard to be honest in the moment. It’s scary in fact. They may reject you or say that you’re wrong. Or worse, maybe they won’t be your friend or they will fire you or yell and throw doughnuts with little bits of gravel in them. That’s frightening and it causes us to avoid our feelings and say we’re being “kind”. But that false kindness is just delaying the inevitable outcome.
Yes, most people don’t like hearing that they’ve hurt us, or we think they are wrong or anything that may go against their ego. Speak kindly but honestly. It’s your choice, you can live a life filled with doughnut carnage or you can take your lumps in the moment and move on. I am of the thinking that being open and honest just plain gets you to the happy quicker.
Broken link? Typo? I do my very best to keep all links current and edit my content but mistakes are made at times. Feel free to email me if you see an issue. Thank you! info@debbrockmann.com.
LOVING that you enjoy nature and all its give and take!!!! thank you Shaina!!!
Posted by: Deb Brockmann | 09/23/2014 at 04:59 PM
"You know that low level feeling of “I’m bored,” and “Life sucks,” and “I’m alone.”? Those feelings are often caused from unexpressed feelings brought on by over 'kindness'." ---- Annnd those feelings were exactly why I decided to go out and be in nature at that park by myself in the first place!! AND I figured out that one of my problems is not putting my own needs first... being too forgiving etc; - You're posts are so on point with my life right now!
Posted by: Shaina Menard | 09/21/2014 at 12:28 AM